Being Sensitive to Mr. New

One of the many things that I have learned from dating someone after Sean was how insensitive I was to that persons needs, to their feelings. I almost had a “you deal with it” attitude because I thought about myself and my son, and I guess even the relationship I had with Sean, that always came first.

Partially because of what I learned from my own parents. My parents separated when I was in high school  and that was tough on everyone, but what made it easier on us (kids) was that my parents always put us first, and even to this day my Father would do anything for my Mother, he would be there in a second if she needed anything.  I don't think this is a bad thing, but from being in a relationship I know now, there has to be a line that is drawn somewhere, and that help be transferred to the new person you are dating, whether it be something you need fixed around the house, or opening the pool in the summer. There has to be a time where you asking your ex for that help-ends. If this is a new relationship, and you need help, ask a family member, or friend, or hire a handyman.

If I ever needed something, I would always go to Sean first, never thinking of how that may make my current boyfriend feel. How insecure this person must already be feeling, coming into your life where you have had a family with someone, your ex is still around, and you're are still in such close contact. It would take an incredibly secure person to be okay with all of this, and even then, being respectful of this person means now putting them first, instead of your ex, if you want it to work.

You may even be giving mixed signals. Your boyfriend may start to feel that the acts of kindness between you and your ex, are feelings of still wanting to be with each other. Even if on your end, this has never been the case. If you are seriously interested pursuing this new relationship, put them first.

All things that I have learned, and am sharing because it may help some of you, and as always, if you have any tips or advice for me, feel free to share with me too. X0